I know I used to exercise a sexual practice. I've had an emission 4x for the 8 months I've been here. It's hard to feel right.

 You should be thankful to be able to watch some porn. I'd usually watch some white women, but I do this on purpose. The rule is to watch your own cuckold porn. Because we can nab these women, & it turns into a hate-crime. White-Women by racial-culture are supposed to be all about this. Then they don't get into abusive & bad relationships with men. Well, if I were watching asian women or something, I'd nab them & it'd turn into an abusive & bad relationship. You aren't supposed to be mating with other races. Not really, no. We decide & choose on whose the best & most capable, but if you aren't meeting Mrs. Right, you find her where you need to. Same goes with the women & 'Mr. Right.' I settled on being glad to be able to watch some porn. 

I feel very hollow & stale. I don't have sexual encounters any longer of any type. I didn't have an emission at the same rate for the last 2-years. Maybe more. Seriously, it hurts. It's a horn/thorn in your side. It's part of the reason I don't feel good. My sexual appetite & its sex life has dwindled down to nothing, & nothing that it likes is satisfied or gratified. It hurts, quite frankly. I've been smoking a significant amount of marijuana, yes. My body is filled with pain. I've told you people that before. You need a house because it's a home. Otherwise, you feel uncomfortable & generally dissatisfied. 

We don't realize what's happening to us, usually. Pain is invisible, yes. You don't really know that you're in pain because it doesn't show or exhibit an open wound or apparent injury. You find out that you're in pain after injections & infusions. Because, no, I did not 100% know that I had medical pain. I thought it may or might be a mental illness that needed medication. But, I took the pain-path, aka the good-path; first & realized that yes, I smoke marijuana because I have pain. Because I quit smoking weed a couple years ago. I found out it was legal & got some, & it made me feel sick. Well, I'm living out a shit-hole, now, & I like to have my marijuana because my body is filled with pain.